4 Secret Ways To Connect On A Date (that no one’s doing)

Hey,

Before I give you the 4 secret ways, is it OK with you if I let you in on a secret of mine. This Saturday is my birthday and I'm grateful to be celebrating in NYC with 2 handful of friends. 

Click here to see the birthday theme.

Then, this is the kicker, my partner is whisking me away to Florence, Italy. Is that oohs and ahhs I'm hearing? This means there probably won't be an email going out next week.

Yes, I know next Wed. is Valentine's Day. My challenge and intention for you is to spend this week and next smiling, flirting, spreading love and compassion to anyone you see, meet or interact with and see what a difference it makes in your life.

Who knows? You might end up having a date this week or next?

Is it OK with you if I tell you a story about a date I had and how important it is to know and use the 4 secrets?

I went on a date with a man who looked good on paper. His dating profile was superb and it aligned perfectly with me. As a wordsmith, I admire those who write authentically and eloquently. His bio was so good that I knew we’re going to hit it off.

He suggested a place that was convenient to get to by train. That upped his likability for me. 

He showed up before me and was sitting at the bar having a beer and talking to the bartender. More points were added because it seemed he was personable and friendly.

He said he was friends with the bartender, frequented the place and knew everyone. I subtracted a point because now I was feeling judged and my insecurity kicked in.

Have you ever felt like that? 

Has one little thing ever made you feel insecure?

I suggested we move to one of the empty tables to make it easier to talk (and I could avoid what I assumed was everyone’s stares). We got to the table and sat down. I was looking forward to finding out more about this person and was hopeful. 

But, the conversation fell flat.

Ever meet someone you think you’re going to click with and then the sizzle has fizzled?

I asked him a question and he replied. Then, crickets. 

I spoke a little about myself to get the ball rolling and asked him a question relating to my story. He answered and that was it. This charming (according to his profile) person sitting across from me had nothing to say.

It was as if he expected me to carry the entire conversation. I was confused. It seemed like he didn’t seem to know how a conversation works. I tried several times but each time, he simply answered and that was it. No matter what I said, asking questions about him and sharing about me, there was absolute silence. He didn’t ask a single question or volunteer any info about himself.

Have you ever been on a date with someone who never asked you a question?

Never shared anything or cared enough to get to know you? 

After this went on for 20 minutes, I had to make a decision and save myself. I said that it was time for me to go. I thanked him for meeting with me and I let him know that we weren’t a match.

I was confused until I reflected on what happened. 

He had a great profile and based on his profile, we had a lot in common. But, I jumped the gun in meeting him. I was so excited that I didn't get to know him better over texts, I just agreed to meet him. That was on me.

Have you ever agreed quickly to meet someone and failed to do your due diligence and left scratching your head? 

Not that you have to pepper them with endless questioning before meeting but to get a sense of who they are.

Communication is the cornerstone of relationships. 

Without it, there’s no way to get to know someone enough to grow attraction and increase chemistry.

In order to build a relationship, you have to have a conversation with the other person. 

Here's 4 Steps to Connect On A Date.

1. Have a handful of questions ready that you most want to know about your date.

2. Ask them with curiosity and an open mind.

3. Ask a follow up question about what they shared.

4. Share something about what you experienced as it relates to what they said.

So, my question to you is, 

How are you with conversation?

Do you engage? 

Do you ask questions with a curious and open mind?

Do you follow up with what was said by asking another question or sharing something about you?

Are you missing connecting with your dates?

Are you getting first dates but no 2nd dates?

Want to do something about it?

If you’d like to dive deeper and become an ace communicator and have more second dates, if you'd like to learn how to attract and connect with someone you're interested in, if you'd like to meet, go on a date and begin a relationship in 6 months or less, I'm planning a special Masterclass for you. (If you already signed up, you'll get a special bonus.) I'll share more about this free Masterclass after I return from vacation on the 19th.

XO, Elizabeth (Dare to Date Differently)

P.S. Wish me a happy birthday by replying to this.

Click here to see the birthday theme.

PPS. Next Wed is Valentines day. My challenge and intention for you is to spend this week and next smiling, flirting, spreading love and compassion to anyone you see, meet or interact with and see what a difference it makes in your life.

Who knows? You might end up having a date this week or next?

If you're willing to take up this challenge, reply I'm in (in the subject).