I can’t tell you how often I hear this from clients and friends alike. And honestly? I get it. Dating does take effort. It asks for your time, your energy, and sometimes your emotional resilience. When you’re putting yourself out there and it ends in rejection, ghosting, or another disappointment, of course it can feel like a grind.

But here’s the real reason dating feels so unsatisfying right now: most people are approaching it the wrong way. They’re treating dating like a task to check off the list instead of an experience to actually live. It’s swiping on apps out of boredom, going on dates just to “see if there’s something there,” or half-heartedly engaging while their walls stay firmly in place. That’s not dating — that’s auditioning. And auditions? They’re exhausting.

Dating only becomes draining when it’s disconnected fromjoy, curiosity, and connection. When it’s all about performance — trying to prove yourself or hoping someone finally picks you — of course it feels like work. You’re showing up in survival mode, not inpossibility mode.

So how do we flip it? By shifting the focus back to what actually matters:presence and play.

Instead of asking, “Will this person be The One?” ask, “What can I learn about myself and someone else tonight?”

Instead of swiping out of habit, swipe with intention —choosing only the connections that feel genuinely aligned.

Instead of dreading another small-talk-heavy dinner,choose dates that spark fun, laughter, or adventure(think salsa dancing, rooftop drinks at sunset, or even a trivia night).

Instead of guarding your heart so tightly,bring curiosity and openness. Not everyone you meet will be your partner — buteach person can teach you something, andeach date is a chance to practice being your most magnetic self.

Here’s my take: datingcan feel light, connected, and even exciting again.

But it starts with you deciding not to approach it as work you have to slog through — and instead asan opportunity to discover, connect, and expand.

Because when you shift how you experience dating, the results shift too.

That’s when it stops being a job interview and starts becoming the pathway to the love you’ve been waiting for.

Are you looking forward to dating feeling light, connected, even exciting again? Let's talk about what's holding you back.

Reply to this with 1,2 or 3 things that's keeping you stuck. I read every reply.

XX,

Elizabeth