Have you ever been on a date where picking a restaurant turned into an unexpected disaster?

A client of mine, Sarah, had been seeing a guy named Jake for a few weeks. They had great chemistry, but when it came time to choose a place for dinner, things got complicated.

Sarah was craving French food—she had been dreaming of a rich coq au vin all day. Jake, on the other hand, had his heart set on a big bowl of spaghetti carbonara from his favorite Italian spot. Neither wanted to budge, so they compromised and settled on Thai food, even though neither of them was in the mood for it.

The result?

Sarah picked at her pad thai, Jake barely touched his curry, and the entire date had an awkward, unsatisfied energy hanging over it. Instead of enjoying the meal, they both walked away feeling like they had lost.

This is the problem with compromise.

The Truth About Compromise

We’re taught that compromise is the key to a healthy relationship. But in reality, compromise is the fastest way to disappointment.

When you compromise, nobody truly gets what they want. It’s like ordering dessert and splitting a plain vanilla scoop when one of you wanted decadent chocolate lava cake and the other was dreaming of crème brûlée. You both settle, but neither of you is happy.

Negotiation: The Smarter Alternative

Now, imagine if instead of compromising, Sarah and Jake had negotiated—not in a pushy or demanding way, but in a way that allowed them both to feel heard.

Negotiation isn’t about giving in or splitting things down the middle. It’s about exploring creative solutions so both people walk away feeling satisfied.

Maybe they could have found a restaurant that served both French and Italian dishes. Or they could have chosen one person’s pick for dinner and the other’s for dessert or drinks.

How to Negotiate in Dating (and Win Together!)

Next time you feel stuck between two options, try this approach:

• Listen deeply – Instead of rushing to a decision, take a moment to understand what truly matters to the other person. Maybe they’re craving Italian, but what they really want is comfort food. That opens up new possibilities!

• Ask the right questions – Instead of saying, “Fine, we’ll just do what you want,” ask, “How can we both get what we want?” This shifts the conversation from either/or thinking to collaboration.

• Stay curious, not rigid – Instead of assuming there’s only one right answer, get creative! Maybe tonight is French food and next time is Italian. Or maybe you find a fusion spot that satisfies both cravings.

A Relationship Where You Both Feel Fulfilled

The goal in dating (and in love) isn’t to keep score or to constantly compromise. It’s to build a connection where both people feel valued, respected, and excited about the outcome.

Next time you feel pressured to compromise, remember—there’s a better way. Negotiate for the love you deserve.

You’ve got this!

You’re only one date away from an amazing relationship.

Xx, Elizabeth

P.S. Want to learn how to be a better dater so that when you discover your match, you know exactly what to say, how to say it so you get the results you want?

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