Sometimes the truthswe resist the most are the ones thatfinally set us free.

Here’s one I wish someone hadwhispered to me years ago:

Most of us don’t fall in love with real people—we fall in love with who our mind decides theycouldbe.

Whether you’re swiping, meeting people in real life, or taking a break because dating feels exhausting, your mind is always doing the same thing: filling in blanks.

You see a few photos, read a cleverline, or share amoment of chemistry—and beforeanything real has formed, your imagination builds a story.

They’re kind because they have a dog.

They’re adventurous because they travel.

They'redeep because they journal.

They’re emotionally intelligent because they wrote something thoughtful.

But the truth? You don’t know yet.

Your brain hates uncertainty, so it projects what you want to believe. It turns potential into a person and fantasy into “connection.”

That’s why disappointment hurts so much. You’re not losing them—you’re losing the story you created.

Even grounded, highly intelligent people do this. Projection isn’t about being naive—it’s how the human mind creates safety in the unknown. But it costs you something real: presence.And presence is where real connection begins.

Because when you’re dating your projections, you’re not seeing the person in front of you. You’re relating to your own hopes, fears, and unmet needs.

Real intimacy begins when you stop falling for potential and start getting curious about reality.

So before you decide someone is “the one,” pause.

Observe.

Watch who they actually are over time.

Let the truth reveal itself slowly.

The love you want doesn’t live in fantasy—it lives in the messy, honest, beautifully human reality of two people seeing each other clearly and choosing each other anyway.

As we head into the final week of the year—with New Year’s Eve tomorrow and a fresh new year beginning on Thursday—I want to leave you with this:

May the coming year bring you clarity, connection, and the kind of love that feels steady, mutual, and real.

May you choose with intention.

May you be chosen for who you truly are.

May you experience the quiet joy of being met, not imagined.

And if you want next year to be the year you finally stop repeating old patterns and start choosing differently, I’m opening a limited number of high-level calls.

If you feel called to begin the new year with direction, support, and a clearer path to finding your person, I invite you to schedule a private conversation with me.

Schedule Your Private Conversation Here

https://daretodatedifferently.com/book-a-strategy-call

This is an opportunity to explore whether stepping into this work together is the aligned next step for you.

Here’s to a New Year filled with happiness, connection, and love—the real kind.

Xx,

Elizabeth